Happiness Delight

belakangan ini udah gaada rasa takut lagi, hajar aja semuanya, mau cape, mau laper, bodo amat, lawan itu semua. Inget kaka tingkat yang gue kagumi ? Anehnya rasa itu udah beda, syukur. Dibaperin dia udah ngga mempan lagi. Di line udah gapeduli lagi gue, jadi diri gue sendiri; becanda, semangatin dia, semuanya gue lakuin, sampe ngucapin ulang tahun, bodo amat dia mau mikir apa ke gue. Yang penting gaada rasa yang gue harus pendem selama bertahun-tahun lagi. Anehnya, kalo ada yang mencela dia gue ngerasa sakit hati. Karena gue tau dia seperti sekarang ini pasti ada faktor-faktornya yg membentuk dia kaya gitu, mari kita lihat sisi positifnya aja, banyak kok dia, serius. Gasemua orang bisa mengerti wataknya dia, dan tetep aja ada love and hate relationship dari diri gue ke dia. Inget orang yang gue hampir berikan kebaikan-kebaikan? tapi he blew it up. He is getting more sucks, gue baru inget kalo manusia gak segampang itu berubah. Cuma satu yang pengen gue bilang ke dia, jarimu harimau ...

Sepanjang 2018 ini, banyak hiruk-pikuk kehidupan yang sudah terjadi, kadang diatas, kadang di bawah, kadang di tengah-tengah. Tapi kadang gue heran kenapa meskipun saat gue diatas gue ga bahagia ? Apakah ada sesuatu yang salah di diri ini ? Padahal memposisikan diri diatas itu ga gampang, dan saat gue mencapainya gue tetep gabahagia... Gue kadang-kadang suka merasa ga bersyukur anaknya, kadang gue selalu minta maaf sama Allah karena kurang bersyukur. Tapi yang gue rasa emang gini, gue gapernah bahagia banget dengan apa yang gue capai, yang padahal kata orang-orang susah untuk mencapai titik ini. Gue berhasil mencapai IPK tertinggi seangkatan, gue berhasil masuk organisasi yang kata orang-orang istimewa, bahkan gue dijadiin koor toga diwisuda yang mana sempat bikin gue stress dan Alhamdulillah pada akhirnya sukses. Gue berhasil menghilangkan jerawat gue di jidat yang udah bersemayam setahun lebih. Gue dibolehin beli hp yang gue inginkan. Gue punya temen-temen yang super supportif d...

I don't know how many times I've said this is the last post about Gie.... But I still write about him anyway. A couple weeks ago, I texted Gie again. Yes, again. He got accepted to the University in Negeri Jiran, which in January he asked me to pray for him when he just got interviewed for college acceptance. I'm really glad that he got accepted, he can explore more about being a 'doctor' in a better University. The distance got bigger between me and him, I don't know how many kilo meters. Even though we used to live in the same town, it didn't matter much. We never meet, we never ask eachother to meet up. In case you wondering why am I seems like sooo shameless always texted him, heres the thing pals.... I want to stay be a good friend with him, because he is so kind and I love how he reply me when I texted him (yaeyalah orang lo ngeceng dia), I want to keep that silaturahmi bond strong, and lastly because he doesnt have girlfriend anymore I can freely...

I always had a group of people that I would miss later if I already graduated from school, elementary, junior high, senior high. And i'm so blessed always having great friends every now and then, not that one people who don't wanna go see her friends because she has trouble at that time when we were stilll in school, or maybe she is awkward because didn't get in touch that much. Recently I went to see my junior high friends, which the friends I spent my puberty with, the most fun time of my life, that period of time I am me, at the peak of teenager phase. When we were chitchatting reminiscing the beautiful time, I realized 'this is my friend, the one that always make me happy without care in the world we live in'. I don't really have a lover at that time, enjoying my time with my friends too much, and obviously Justin Bieber made huge chance in 2010-2013. I dated my first love at that moment but I'm too lazy having someone on my back, haha sorry ko! And o...

before going to university I vowed to my self to push my limits in everything that I will do later in uni-life. And seems like I did. But why I did this back in 2016? Because I don't want to regret anything in my teenager phase. As simple as that. I just want to reminiscence my uni life as: passionate, hard work, go beyond the limit.  I want to have a big smile if I remembering my past life in uni. I was so furious about study, about organizations, about economy. I just want to pust my limit to the end so I won't blame my self for being not good enough in uni. Well at least I tried, better than not risking anything. Masih muda, jatah gagal gue masih banyak. And i'm so afraid. Realizing myself sooo ambitious comparing to other classmates sometimes made me afraid, Oh am I doing too much? Am I crossing the line? But in fact I am not, I just have something different, I have my own dream, and meanwhile I am paving the way to go there. Maybe another student have different ...

can you believe me if I tell you, the guy that I mentioned in previous post is liking me back?  Yes, It was and it is not a one sided love. It is the same case as the one that I have experienced back in high school, my crush liked me back and I have no idea about that, and I found that later he liked me back. It is the same thing. Among other girls crushed on him, why am I the one ? Even though there is someone that he crushed on before me, I still got shocked. He still is crushed the girl before me, and i'm not complaining. I just can't believe that I got this shocking truth.  He never shows weird gestures or odd behaviour around me. That's why when everyone told me that he seems oddly 'different' when he treated me, and honestly though I didn't believe them. Because I didn't even felt that way, and didn't realize being treated like that. I'm still drowning in my daydream, because this is so dreamy. This is the thing that I wanted s...

I've always been hating on you since the first time we met, even until I supposed to interviewing you. I'm not willing to talk to you back then, because I hate you too much. But I made a big mistakes I reckon. I shouldn't hate someone too much, because the line between hate and love is so unbelievably close. I still remembered the day I became mesmerized, the day I heard your voice. So vividly, and so clear. I admire you since then. And the things made me more amazed were came after that, like a flashlight. I still remember when I spent a week straight with you, and other friend obviously, it was awesome. Because I get to see you everyday. And on that week my feeling just like volcano in an erruption, that can explode at any time. So many positive things that came from you, made me even deeply in little thing called love. Religious. Kind as f. Clever. Charming. I like your voice. I like your eyes. I like your foolish smile. Glad I knew you, so I can forget about Gie e...

I know you already answered me I know the meaning of an answerless answer But I pretend not to know and I’m lingering Entah sudah berapa post di blog ini tentang kamu, Gie. Entah sudah berapa ratus ribu kali aku harus berbohong pada diriku sendiri bahwa engkau hanyalah cerita lalu. Tapi nyatanya engkau masih mengisi cerita-cerita saat ini ? Entah sudah berapa billiar kali aku bingung apakah ini nyata atau khayalku saja. Entah sudah berapa milliar kali aku katakan pada diriku untuk berhenti. Temanku benar, aku tak pernah bisa berhenti mengagumi mu sampai batas limit ku. Bertahun-tahun aku hanya mengisi rasa penasaran itu dengan kebohongan. Kebohongan terhadap diriku bahwa aku tak membutuhkannya lagi. Bodoh ? Oh entah sudah berapa kali aku fikir diriku ini bodoh, bahkan saat mengetik ini pun aku fikir aku sangat bodoh. Memedulikan seseorang yang sama sekali tidak menaruh rasa penasaran nya kepadaku setitik pun.  Aku fikir 4 tahun lalu itu ada lah halaman terakhir cerita ini, te...