softly spoken

currently listening to phum's newest single - softly spoken

I'm feeling sick right now, my stomach aching. My head hurt from overthinking, and report revise is  haunting me. Topic for research proposal is damnly hard to find, i'm in a misery, in my 4th year in Uni. I feel like a shit. I've been in multiple heartbreak, but this one seems extraordinary. I expect too much from someone I barely knew, he disappear into thin air while I go fonder of him day by day. He is not that great but he is my special human for the past one and a half month.

I'm trying to be FBI once again, I discovered his ask.fm earlier. As usual I always got information from ask.fm, the site used to be really popular back in the day when I was in high school. Well, that site is fun for some people, because for unpopular girl in school like me, it was full of envying. There weren't many people that curious about me, because I wasn't popular or beautiful. So, it wasn't fun.

I found a lot of digital trace from some people I want to know, one of them is him. My senior from fapsi. I never thought he used to be cringey as hell in ask.fm, he had ex gf in highschool. Quite pretty. And wild ? Because I never did that in high school.

I used to think he couldn't behave himself if he surrounded by girls, but hey looking back at his ask.fm he was good with his words. But I knew, he might already became different human being. It was 4 years ago.

1. He left because I wasn't that interesting, and couldn't fill his expectation.
   I live to fulfill my dreams and not to satisfy someone's expectation, and I want to be ME
2. He felt burdened by the amount of ambitiousness that I have
   I personally do not support this kind of human, because dude come ON is okay, we can learn things from each other, we can grow together. 
3. He just feels like want to leave
   Well, needless to say I hate you.

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

Hello 2021

Telat ya? sudah 3 bulan lamanya kita memasuki tahun 2021 ini, akhirnya tahun 2020 yang lumayan menguras energi itu berakhir. Aku masih bekerja di tempat yang sama semenjak Oktober 2020. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. Baru saja kemarin aku wisuda, offline untung nya tapi semarak yang biasa riuh tidak ada. Banyak waktu yang aku habiskan untuk berfikir apa yang akan terjadi di hidupku kedepan, banyak hal yang sangat sementara yang terjadi sekarang, maka dari itu aku harus lebih berusaha untuk menemukan pijakan yang tetap dan rumah yang mau disinggahi dalam waktu lama. Banyak lamaran pekerjaan yang aku apply, dimulai dari perusahaan negara, perusahaan unicorn, sampai perusahaan yang berbasis di bandung. Semua nya dirasa sulit untuk lolos sampai tahap interview.  Kini aku rasakan apa yang selama ini ia rasa, ia yang kini selalu berada disampingku. Kami sedang sama-sama mengusahakan hidup kami masing-masing, berjuang untuk masa depan meskipun kita tau mungkin di masa depan kita takkan bers...
Baca selengkapnya

Message From The Future

 Halo,  Ga kerasa ya udah 11 tahun blog ini, tempat aku curhat dari jaman SMP sampai berhenti di tahun kemarin karena seorang lelaki. Haha konyol ya? percaya atau tidak itu menjadi kejadian traumatis dalam hidup aku, sampai sekarang masih takut ditinggal tiba-tiba tanpa penjelasan, dibohongi dan dipermainkan. Wishing something bad for someone is not my cup of tea, but I know you'll looping in that game of yours till forever. Oh ya, aku masih nulis kok cuma pindah platform aja. Hanya ingin meninggalkan semua sejarah disini, cukup sampai umurku 22 saja nulis disini. Memasuki dunia dewasa sangat sulit, dibutuhkan kegigihan dan kekuatan yang luar biasa, jadi aku akan menjauhkan blog ini dari cerita menjadi dewasa.  Blog ini adalah saksi hidup seorang anak pemalu yang tidak pintar matematika, yang dulu sangat menyukai justin bieber, blog ini menjadi saksi anak pemalu ini menyukai begitu banyak rentetan kecengan nya yang tidak pernah sama sekali meliriknya.  Aku bangga, mu...
Baca selengkapnya

same shit everyday

i thought i can through this easily, but damn it took a toll on me. I'm struggling every single day, I thought I was strong enough. I tried to reach out some guys, talking to them. But it's not you, it's different. I missed you a lot. Dude how have you been? What's into you been posting many instastory? Are you trying to get someone's attention? I missed you every now and then, such a shame I didn't get to know you more, laughing with you together, eating a lot of foods, drenched in rain together after a motorbike ride around city. Hugging you tightly because you and me need to go back home, kissed you with such love. I missed you a lot. 2021 will be better for you and me right? Either we get back together or not.
Baca selengkapnya